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No goodbyes

March 22, 2018

I Know I have written an article on Grief already  but so much hs happened some good some not so good, I felt and knew it was time to write this, to manage my grief as well as anger I hold. Why anger? It is apart of the grief process but not in the way I do. You see 3 weeks ago my mom passed away, We may not always have gotten along but i loved my mom deeply. She had gotten ill shortly after Christmas and was in the hospital 3 weeks, I spoke to her bf as to how she was doing and since I wasn't well myself I decided not to go see her and make it worse. The day i got the call they diagnosed her with cancer was like a rock hit me, I thought all along it was just pneumonia. So I decided I needed to see her , I went and we had a lovely visit for about 2 hours, and I left. The next conversation was she was having trouble beathing and her bf was going there, so I decided and felt I needed to go too. I walked into the room and my so called brother grabbed me by the arms and pushed me out of the room at the same time hitting me with the door. I was informed I was not wanted there and they wouldn't let me in. Then I got the call i knew was coming bug dreaded, my mom had passed away, then I was informed I was not to go to the funeral home, services or the burial. All orders by my brother. I was stunned. I got no goodbyes, no holding her hand, none of the usual family visitation.What I got was knowing an entire weekend was putting my mom to rest and I couldn't be there, yes I was deeply hurt, but oh boy was I angry. I thought of everyday possible to hurt him as much as he hurt me. I lost sleep I didnt eat I was so full of hate and anger.  What did I do to deserve this, nothing, he wanted to play big man and hurt me as much as he could, just as he has done all my life. Did I hurt him..No.. I was not going to lower myself and do to him what he did to me. I sat and cried for days, my best friend Linda suggested I make a memorial of my own..so that's what I did. I got out a picture, a candle a silk rose and everyday that's how I spoke to her. Good idea huh!!Its taken weeks and the memorial is still up but each day gets a little better. Anyone going through a loss, this is the perfect way to grieve.So whats my point?If you have family that like to show their the big person and harm and hurt someone...Ignore them. Use that anger and talk to your memorial. Know he/she loves you and that they wouldn't want you to do something to harm someone else.

 To the people out there like my brother  just walk away and know the one person you hate the most is hurting and although you don't care, leave them alone!!  Done spread lies, don't cut them  out of family services just walk away. Save your anger and hate for later. It takes a very cold hear ted person to stop someone from saying their goodbyes no matter who they are and how you feel. That could be you, how would you feel? I have now risen above most of my anger although I still




have thoughts from time to time, but mostly now I get to honor my mom the way I want. No big tado, no gathering of people, just me and her alone sharing memories. As for my brother, one day and it will  happen this will be done to you, and I want you to remember the coldness and pain you caused me. for the hurtful people out there, planning something like this to someone, remember your not only hurting them your hurting the one passed. I have moments the tears still come and they probably always will but slowly the anger ceases. For someone this has been done too, dont stoop to their level, your only hurting yourself and not honoring your loved one. Take time to build your  own memorial they cant come too, remember memories you shared and walk past that person. Yes you will feel the most incredible hate you ever felt but it ceases and you'll never have to deal with them again, even  though their so called "family" when they show up at gatherings walk away, don't give them the satisfaction of making you leave. I share this because I never want anyone to have done to them what was done to me and if it happens, be the bigger person, take a deep breath and walk the other way. It helps it truly does, Anger eats at your spirit so just walk away. I hope this helps even one person and I really hope it makes the person who is going to be the cold one think twice and leave well enough alone.. Dedicated to my mom..Ill see you again one day and I love you!!!    





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