I have been wanting to write an article on Grief for awhile now and I finally found my own inner strength to write this .It seems to be that a lot of people are passing or as we call it in the Spiritual Term "Going Home". every day you hear of someone you know has a loved one or a friend who has passed or even a famous person has passed. How do we help ? what do we say? Is there really anything we can say or do to help console a friend who has lost someone close to them or how do we help with our own Grief. The answer is we Cant . There are several stages to the grief process and each person and every stage to them is different,and they all handle it on their own terms. The one thing you do NOT want to say is it gets better with time, because in all reality it really doesn't. I believe we just all handle it in our own way , and in our own time.Below is a list of the stages and not all are listed but it gives you and idea of what YOU or a friend maybe going through.
SHOCK or DISBELIEF
DEPRESSION AND HOPE
I am not going to go into detail about each one as each are totally different for everyone. When we go through the grief process we will experience emotions towards our loved ones we never thought we would , such as ANGER. First we will and always do go through SHOCK OR DISBELIEF that this has actually happened. We can plan and prepare ourselves especially if it is a long illness but it never seems real when the passing actually happens. I know when I lost my beloved brother a few months back I walked around numb, I would go to pick up the phone to call him, things that I did every single day, and that is when it hit me, he isn't with us in the physical world anymore. I could feel his energy around me but could not see him. I could smell his cologne but he wasn't there. I could hear his voice in my head and I would stop for a brief moment thinking I actually was hearing his voice when really I was hearing his voice from spirit.
You will do things that you did with this person on a daily basis as if there right beside you and then you STOP and remember , they aren"t anymore. This is all a natural reaction to have, there natural feelings to have and it is a natural process you will go through, How long? no one knows...It is your grief process and you take as long as you need to. You may even go through the funeral and all the arrangements not believing it is actually happening and that's natural. Keep in mind thought that your loved one is still with you making sure you get through what needs to be done, during readings many times I have had a loved one bring up things from their funeral just so we know they were there watching and making sure we get through every step .
Denial is one of the harder ones to get through, the reason being your always expecting that person to walk through the door or call at any given moment. The moment that phone rings your stomach drops in hope this was all a dream and that loved one is on the other en of the line. You deny that you will never lay your physical sight on them again and tell yourself many times during the day you have seen them somewhere, such as driving a car or walking down the street. This is the time you really have to accept that your loved one has passed and all the emotions that you have pushed way down finaly begin to come to the surface. You still have not moved or put away a single item or even put away the last thing they touched, as your still waiting for them to come home and use them all again. You drive by the last place such as the hospital and find yourself turning into the driveway on your way to see them. This is all a form of denial and even though it feels like it is going to never end in time, your own time , it will slowly begin to change.
Anger is the hardest one to understand because not only are you angry with yourself, your angry with the person leaving. The "Why did you leave me" and the "how could you do this too me" begins. This is natural and do not hate yourself or feel guilty for this emotion. Remember we are physical beings with emotions and ALL emotions when grieving are natural. Lets the anger flow to the surface and slowly remember that it was their time. We dont want them suffering from illness or anything that isn't them anymore so we slowly realize we have to let them go. The one thing I do recommend when you hit the Anger stage is to sit and write a letter to the person you have lost. Pour all your emotions into this, or you may even keep a journal. by keeping a journal it allows you to release ALL emotions even anger. Just Ike the rest this too shall pass as you move into the next phase, and know deep in your heart it is natural and it is a step you MUST take.
Bargaining: This stage of grief is a little hard to understand at times but when you search your heart, you will fully understand it. This is where you begging to bargain with God or your Angels for just one last moment with the person you have lost. You will offer anything even to trade places with them for one more moment. The longing to touch this person or just see them will make you trade anything, even your own life or all you own for one last moment. In time when you have gone through all the stages you will begging to feel, sense and even see your loved one, either in dreams or just standing before you.
Guilt: This stage is going to be the hardest, I know it was for me. You sit and blame yourself for all the thing you should have done and said, time you could have spent together, places you should have went. You sit and wonder if there was something you may have missed, something you could have told or shared with the doctor or to the person themselves. Every single question runs through your mind and sometimes during sleep even your mind will play tricks on you and you'll have dreams of them asking why you didn't do this or that?. Know its all your emotions coming at you and you did the very best your could. Did you love them enough? Did you tell them enough? will all run through your mind. and the answer is yes!!! Know in your heart and soul it was their time and you did everything in your power to make them happy, right down to the smallest of details for the funeral. This is a natural emotion and it will eat you alive if you dwell on it, so know yes you did enough, you did everything.
Depression and Hope: These are a couple of the last stages of grief, you will still carry the sadness but it will be better everyday, don't wallow in it. Remember the love you had for one another and the times you shared, allow yourself to smile and to even laugh at the memories. People will act differently around you for awhile because they wont know what to say or if they should say it. If you laugh and share memories with people not only will this make you feel better it will allow them to open and to share their feelings as well. During this time you will feel able to put loved ones things away, to take things down and store it for future generations to see. There is hope at the end of the rainbow of Grief and with each step you take, you get closer to it ....They love you and want nothing more then for you to smile, feel happy and loved again, aand in time it will happen. Remember that!!